Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

After spending the entire weekend sleep deprived due to playing Space Engineers (along with an hour or two of the incredibly beautiful Eidolon), I went to bed early yesterday and finally managed to get some sleep and a whole bunch of dreams!

First off, we had someone asking a geography question: what would the ocean currents be like on a world without... oceans? Yep. Anyway, turns out something got mixed up in my memory because when the person explained, the planet most definitely had oceans. Anyhow whatever the person asked, the result was that the sea would be really calm and placid near the cost where people where currently living, but due to some reason it would become incredibly violent a few kilometers or so on, effectively landlocking them.

The dream then tranisitioned to a trip to the beach! According to my scrambled links between conscious and unconscious mind, the beach was the tidal pool at Clifton plus say, a meter or so of global warmed sea levels. I don't recall seeing anyone I know, but there was some guy trying to meditate and someone nagging and disturbing him asking for blessings (lol).

Another smooth transition and we're still at the beach but now it's next to the (sports) field at school. And on the other side is an airport and mountain that reminded me of Simons Town. A huge, ancient WW2 bomber takes off from the airport and I get all excited and try to point it out to everyone but no one cares (oooh analyse that one). Then, some person in a (not so ancient) helicopter comes, rolls 180°, and flies within a meter of the ground and then back up and around. My physics isn't that good but... hmm.

Next transition, for some reason we're (can't remember who all that entails) are... living in garages. Neighbour (from school) has a whole lot of people outside because of the photos on his interior wall, hah.

Last dream (and this was a big one), we're driving in a very leafy suburb. Like ridiculously leafy. Eventually it pans out to countryside, and we're driving through old mountainous (and still leafy) area, with the mountains carved out so that roads can go through them, and ancient preserved (but cordoned off) bridges made from rock and stone to the side. Very very pictersque, every bend wanted to make me stop and take photos but of course the car didn't stop.

Eventually we got to the end of the road. You could tell it was the end because it lead into a tunnel that was sealed off with a red curtain like a theater, and for some strange reason the light from the sign wouldn't fall past the entrance. There was also something that looked like a wig lying in the gutter and on closer look it turned out to be a person laying face down and they were dead oh dear so we all start running back and it turned out that that were more of those except these were screaming at other tourists!

Anyhow eventually we got back into the car and drove back and forgot all about that. There was an accident at some point and the car rolled and I was in the back and got really badly hurt and had to be rushed to hospital. Somehow we ended up at some food place (and I was no longer in need of urgent medical attention), but the local cuisine was really weird and then the properietors brough someone their next meal which was one of the severed heads from the earlier dead bodies. We freaked out and fled.

Well that was a busy night.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Friday, 20 February 2015

I had a dream last night that I was on a small plane with about a dozen or less other people. Then things got interesting and it turned out that the plane landed at an airport in a parallel universe, and when it departed back to where it came from, it went back to the original one.

So on the plane we ended up making a plan to stage a heist. Having a plane as an escape plan back to a completely different reality is a pretty good escape plan if you ask me.

Of course, to allow for maximum dramatic effect, the entire heist itself goes wrong. People got killed/caught by police. We tried the sneaky sneaky stealth approach and that failed dismally, probably my subconscious reflecting my inability to play stealth games where you can't just go in guns blazing. There was one point where one of the team tried to incapacitate a bystander several times before he was finally incapacitated, but it was too late because he made too much noise. Also of note was in the ensuing chaos, someone (civilian, bystander) managed to pry a door open and tried to jump onto a rising elevator to escape the mayhem and ended up losing a leg. Chop chop.

The whole thing was in Paris or somewhere else in France or somewhere around there in Europe. Anyway, the rest of us tried to escape by mingling in with some march/procession going on outside (clearly this is the only good use I can think of for people making a noise with carnivals outside), and we managed to flee to the border.

Eventually we got busted on the side (due to some small white furry psychic animal that the border police had hooked up to a machine/trapped inside of), and we tried to play dumb to fight for time. Turns out that one of the contingency measures was a nuke, and the last of us, captured with the police, watched it detonate from across the border.

Fun and games!

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Tuesday, 17 February 2015

6. Try to exercise a disinterested acceptance at all times with respect to everything you experience.

At first I was skeptical about meditation but then I got to step 6 and I realised that it was a perfect fit for me.

Other than my failed attempts at detacchment and disinterest in worldy urges and desires and aversions, I don't have much to report on.

I dreamt earlier about a broken window in my room. I'm still having dreams where I'm stuck halfway between living with parents (at childhood home instead of last home) versus having my own place, and thinking everytime something goes wrong there "Well why don't I just move out permenantly to my own place", and it's like in these dreams that I own my own place but I never go there, or I only go there weekends, or some weird twisted logic.

Weight wise I've lost an entire kilo in the last 4 months. Then again considering I'm at 57kg I guess it's okay? Eating healthy is bloody expensive though, I'll be happy if I manage to save $50 this month by overanalysing 14 months of grocery bills line by line.

Ms. Four Boyfriends' infatuation with current bf #7 or whatever (I lost count) combined with her obnoxious Colleague's whining about being sleep deprived and horny is really ruining my mood and ruing my attempts at finding my inner peace and center of calmness and stuff.

So yeah. Inner peace. Namasté.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Friday, 13th February 2015

I had a really nice dream last night!

It started off in a library. The old school, stuffy and dusty and cramped but still comfy kind, that smells like old books and warm couches and motes of dust dancing in the golden sunlight.

Anyhow while hanging out in said library (which for some reason was at the top of a very tall building), some person jumped out the window. Oh dear. At this point it turns out we were police officers so we went down the ground floor to sort the mess out.

Then suddenly it changed from being a person jumping from a tall building to being a car full of people. And what was weirder was the dead bodies weren't in the middle of the car... but under the bonnet instead of the engine.

However we couldn't open the bonnet because the car wreck landed in some sort of "wrong side of town" run down area with angry people glaring and warning us if we open the bonnet and the blood sprays out and lands on their stuff (?!) they'll get mad.

Anyhow eventually we started to get to work with official police duties when we find out through our super secret sources that something went wrong and now we ourselves are wanted by the police for crimes we didn't commit (cue A-team opening theme). A whole bunch of cars with angry people with angry guns start to arrive from the distance.

Some random stranger rocks up in a taxi and tells us if we want to live we better go, so we all squeeze in and we ride off. At some point this changes to two vehicles. Then 1000km or so later, we end up outside some parking lot for a supermarket or something? But we can't get any further easily because of security that's set up like some kind of sneaky stealth game like Metal Gear or Hitman or something.

So after getting past them we somehow end up in a house where I assume we were hiding out until we can prove our innocence. Then we discovered something important in the back yard but I can't remember what exactly.

So yeah. On paper it doesn't sound very interesting anymore but I actually enjoyed it okay :(

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Thought for the day

Irrationaly overly optimistic people, please stop flailing your optimism around like a hammer, trying to smash a square peg into a round hole. You can't force people to be happy like flicking on a switch in a dark room.

Thursday, 12 February 2015

Yesterday I was reading a discussion about confidence and rejection, and one of the comments that stood out to me was one person putting it in terms of transactions.

Basically their analogy was that people with low self-confidence are betting all of their confidence when they put themselves in a situation where they could be accepted or rejected, and each subsequent rejection drains their already meagre savings.

And I think that this is what a lot of people without the problem don't understand. It's not just simply a lack of going up to every person you see and flirting with them and asking them out. Introverts by nature find interaction with others (especially strangers) greatly taxing. Importantly, every time they expose themselves to possible rejection, this comes at a cost.

That cost is higher for people with social anxiety, and their reserves lower. The potential reward is great. In fact, greater for people with low self-confidence, in the same way that a poor person would be happier to suddenly receive $10'000 whilst a millionaire would barely notice it. When others suggest "Just going out there and trying", while the saying "You can't win if you don't play" is true, just participating can just as easily ensure automatic loss.

People are good at avoiding pain. Some might call it risk averse, others might call it self-preservation. If you burn your hand on something, you instinctively pull it away before you can even consciously thing about the problem. There is no reason why mentally or emotionally there shouldn't be similar safeguards.

To finish off, each time someone takes one of these chances, they're taking a risk. For a person with high self-confidence, the risk is neglible. For someone with low self-confidence, the risk can be bankrupting. For a person with high self-confidence, the reward is great. For a person with low self-confidence, the reward is even greater due to their situation.

So, don't be so quick to think that the only problem with these people is that they're too shy/lazy/scared to try more often.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Wednesday, 11 February 2015

The rock in the water believes it is it that which parts the river, but it it is the water which flows around the rock, and in time shall erodes it down to nothingness.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Thursday, 05 February 2015

Nothing interesting today.

Got home yesterday, was tired and tried to take a nap, got awoken by a fly comprised of extra special obnoxiousness, who I then tried to spray with insecticide, only for the fly to fly directly at the can and towards the nozzle. Well, so much for that.

Made dinner, played a bit of MirrorMoon. The power went out at 8:13pm so I went to sleep again cause I was really tired. Ended up waking up at 1:30am from another dream where I was actually doing work (working even in my dreams, again). There was something in the dream involving struggling with phone lines, which made me fuss around the apartment at 2am in the morning opening wall socket covers to check something. Hmm.

Then at about 2:30am my brain kept telling me that getting a motorbike will solve all my problems. The same why getting my own apartment solved all my problems (it didn't, cause I'm good at making new ones. The best, even). Anyhow I don't particularly intend on being turned into a strawberry pancake by incompetent drivers who can't even look where they're walking while walking straight on the sidewalk, let alone be in control of 1000kg of plastic and metal that can do 100km/hr.

I eventually fell asleep, then woke up really tired. At least today is Thursday so I don't have to make lunch.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Wednesday, 04 February 2015

Last night I had a lot of dreams.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Tuesday, 03 February 2015 (Evening edition)

I thought that moving into my own apartment would solve a lot more of my problems than it actually ended up solving. Oh well.

Tuesday, 03 February 2015

Last night I had a dream that I lost my temper at work. I hope that's not a sign of things to come. I think the last time I lost my temper (in general, not at work) was 2009.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Monday, 02 February 2015

So, joy of joys, the banshee is back. I got woken up in the early hours of the morning by her screaming and whining at her boyfriend, followed by her crying that she didn't take any crystal meth, she swears, followed by more whining. I was hoping the city did something about these aggressive drug addict vagrants but I guess not. I hope they go away and/or stop making a noise.

Didn't try and MBSR or binaural stuff yesterday, and between the noise outside and the howling gale force wind my sleep was very interrupted. I recall recalling that I had a mildly interesting dream at some point but I do not remember the details. Alas.