Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Tuesday, 30 December 2014

So, today the funniest/most interesting thing for the entire year happened to me today. But first, a prelude.

Every morning before work, and most lunch breaks, I go to the same place for coffee/lunch. Even if I'm not going to eat anything I just go anyway as routine to hang out. So over the years, you eventually get to know in passing most of the regulars.

In this manner I was "adopted" as friends, in particular by two people who I shall for the sake of confidentiality refer to as Ms. Four Boyfriends, and her colleague, Colleague. I trust the names are self-explanatory.

Fast forward to today. I'm sitting outside eating lunch. Sitting at the table with me are Ms. Four Boyfriends, Colleague, and Colleague's six year old daughter who she brought with to work. The ladies are doing idle chit chat and smoking and eventually there is a lull in the conversation.

Suddenly, the daughter pipes up, and out of the blue asks Ms. Four Boyfriends "Did you sleep with him?" while pointing to me.

Her mother freezes for a split second in disbelief before asking "What did you just say?!". Ms. Four Boyfriends goes into immediate denial mode faster than a politician being brought to task. I make a valiant attempt to stay straight faced but immediately burst out into raucous self-deprecating laughter.

Unaware of her juvenile faux pas, the daughter pushes on defiantly with the kind of perserverance I wish I had when I was younger. Ms. Four Boyfriends patiently attempts to clarify that no, I am not her boyfriend, yes, she is single* and admits to being lonely.

(* Due to current circumstances much to her displeasure, all four of her "boyfriends" are currently (temprorarily) hooked up with other girls due to differences in measures of commitment regarding all parties involved. We are studiously kept up to date on developments via daily haranguing.)

The daughter then says something to the effect that we make a cute couple (I was too busy trying not to die from laughter to remember her exact words). Ms. Four Boyfriend drops the "I'm like a brother to her" line, to which the daughter vehemently disagrees. The topic keeps on rolling but alas, I'm too amused by the opening line to actually follow what's going on.

Thank you six year old girl who I have only known for two days, you are the best wingman I've ever had.

Edit: Wednesday updates
The Colleague tells us today that when Daughter got home, she proceeded to tell her dad all about her day, showing him surreptitious photos, telling him who everyone is, "And this is Mister Swift, and this is Ms. Four Boyfriends, and they're going to get married." Ms. Four Boyfriends put on a good show of pretending not to hear a thing her colleague said, while I savoured that tiny little glimmer of hope that will have to last me for at least a year until the next time someone says something nice about me.