Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Wednesday, 31 December - New Years Eve Special Edition

For the new year:
  • Learn to say "No" more often.
  • Learn to stop caring.
  • Remember that just because I can, doesn't mean that I should.
Also, a thought:
I wear tiredness like a cloak to keep safe from the world.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Tuesday, 30 December 2014

So, today the funniest/most interesting thing for the entire year happened to me today. But first, a prelude.

Every morning before work, and most lunch breaks, I go to the same place for coffee/lunch. Even if I'm not going to eat anything I just go anyway as routine to hang out. So over the years, you eventually get to know in passing most of the regulars.

In this manner I was "adopted" as friends, in particular by two people who I shall for the sake of confidentiality refer to as Ms. Four Boyfriends, and her colleague, Colleague. I trust the names are self-explanatory.

Fast forward to today. I'm sitting outside eating lunch. Sitting at the table with me are Ms. Four Boyfriends, Colleague, and Colleague's six year old daughter who she brought with to work. The ladies are doing idle chit chat and smoking and eventually there is a lull in the conversation.

Suddenly, the daughter pipes up, and out of the blue asks Ms. Four Boyfriends "Did you sleep with him?" while pointing to me.

Her mother freezes for a split second in disbelief before asking "What did you just say?!". Ms. Four Boyfriends goes into immediate denial mode faster than a politician being brought to task. I make a valiant attempt to stay straight faced but immediately burst out into raucous self-deprecating laughter.

Unaware of her juvenile faux pas, the daughter pushes on defiantly with the kind of perserverance I wish I had when I was younger. Ms. Four Boyfriends patiently attempts to clarify that no, I am not her boyfriend, yes, she is single* and admits to being lonely.

(* Due to current circumstances much to her displeasure, all four of her "boyfriends" are currently (temprorarily) hooked up with other girls due to differences in measures of commitment regarding all parties involved. We are studiously kept up to date on developments via daily haranguing.)

The daughter then says something to the effect that we make a cute couple (I was too busy trying not to die from laughter to remember her exact words). Ms. Four Boyfriend drops the "I'm like a brother to her" line, to which the daughter vehemently disagrees. The topic keeps on rolling but alas, I'm too amused by the opening line to actually follow what's going on.

Thank you six year old girl who I have only known for two days, you are the best wingman I've ever had.

Edit: Wednesday updates
The Colleague tells us today that when Daughter got home, she proceeded to tell her dad all about her day, showing him surreptitious photos, telling him who everyone is, "And this is Mister Swift, and this is Ms. Four Boyfriends, and they're going to get married." Ms. Four Boyfriends put on a good show of pretending not to hear a thing her colleague said, while I savoured that tiny little glimmer of hope that will have to last me for at least a year until the next time someone says something nice about me.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Sunday, 28 December 2014

So I turned 28 years old today. I keep feeling like I haven't learnt or achieved anything since I've been 18, so I decided to make a list!

Things I've learnt or achieved in the last ten years:
  • How to fill in a tax return form all on my own
  • How to arrange a retirement annuity
  • How to cook 6 hour slow roasted pork shoulder
  • How to manually expose and focus cameras that are now antiquated
  • Got some dumb piece of paper that says I wasted 3 years studying stuff I've already forgotten
Things I have yet to learn:
  • How to not depend on other people for happiness
  • How to not depend on other people for anything
  • Stop running after people who are always hesitant respond (if they even do)
  • How to get osteospermum seeds to germinate 
  That's pretty much all that comes to mind!

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Thursday, 25 December 2014

Last night I dreamt my cat was still alive.

:(

Monday, December 22, 2014

Monday, 22 December 2014

If I am not mistaken, today is the first day this year I have taken leave. I spent half of it sleeping until my arm start screaming in excruciating pain from sleeping in a bad position, and the other half playing pointless, mind-numbingly repetitive games that reward grinding with even more grinding.

I guess this is okay.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Thursday, 18 December 2014

Finally had a decent uninterrupted night's sleep. And who would that be?

Why hello there my old friend. How long has it been. Eleven, twelve years now? Like a wise person once said, "The people you love become ghosts inside of you and like his you keep them alive".

Also, what the hell was up with the parkour. Seriously?

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Wednesday, 17 December 2014

So, another night of sleep ruined by (minibus) taxis making a noise. But this time, things got a whole lot more interesting (read: schadenfreude). Before I start, for the international people, this is what they look like:

Anyhow. So this morning I'm fast asleep and dreaming and reasonably content when suddenly I'm awoken at 00:30 by the sound of metal scraping on asphalt, and people yelling. "An accident!" I think to myself as I jump out of bed and run to the balcony.

The first thing I see is someone dragging the door from the minibus taxi across the road, followed by a mob of what seemed to be the occupants of said taxi chasing him while yelling and trying in vain to intimidate him. He makes it to the opposite side of the road, drops the door down (finally, the bloody noise of the thing grinding on the road was driving me insane), then proceeds to chase the mob away, since he's a buff guy in a shirtless top and the mob was mostly drunk women and the kind of scrawny guys who wear pink 3/4 length pants. Oh and there was one woman howling like a banshee while lurching around in traffic causing all the oncoming cars to swerve. What a scene to wake up to.

At the time I figured that the taxi was in an accident (due to the fact that they usually drive like total assholes), and this entrepreneuring guy decided to profit from their misfortune and steal loot the door to sell as scrap, since, finders keepers.

Eventually after about 15 minutes the police and company show up, and then things get even more interesting. It turns out that someone (allegedly the driver, or one of his lackeys), stole the door-toting guys' cellphone. According to eyewitness accounts (since these were the kind of drunk people who lose all ability to talk at normal volumes), this guy then proceeded to rip off the door in rage, before carrying it away. The mob then went psychotic and starting screaming and yelling and wailing and cursing, while the guy yells back that he's not giving the door back until they give back his phone.

After a while the police calmed them down, and seeing nothing interesting is going to happen anytime soon I go back to bed. I get woken up at 3am, interrupting a really interesting dream (gee thanks, again), to see someone running down the street, with his persuers shouting "CATCH HIM CATCH HIM", and the fleeing person runs into the mob still standing next to the taxi.

So, I have no idea how things actually ended. I'd like to point out that 99.9% of the time I am completely against people stealing from accident scenes. However, these taxis are a public nuisance and complete scum of the earth. I have nothing against people partying and having fun, but all they have to do is walk 3 minutes down the road and they'll be at the start of the city's one kilometer long night scene filled with bars, clubs, taverns and pubs.

But instead, these people park on the side of the road between apartments and hotels, then proceed to play obnoxiously loud music until 4am on weekdays, all while screaming, howling and wailing as loud as they can, leaving a trail of broken bottles, vomit, urine and faeces on the sidewalk the next day. One could say I am not particularly fond of these people that keep rocking up and having their impromptu parties outside.

In closing, I'm hoping that the guy got his phone back, the thief got a bit of mob justice, and these people with their taxi parties go somewhere else and never come back (sadly, they'll probably be back again tonight knowing my luck).

Monday, December 15, 2014

Monday, 15 December 2014

I had a dream I was taking photos, yay!

Second photo was this snow city scene, really narrow streets but still tall buildings, looked kinda olden-times-ish, and there was snow on the ground. So you had these buildings all drab, brownish and gray, stretching from up high down to the ground giving a nice sense of perspective and converging lines with a 35mm focal length.

First photo was weird, sun was going down (on the wrong side though, since I remember the location (and no it was rising)), and there were these really really low lying clouds, and they were almost pitch black, but you could still see underneath them the same effect that you get when it's just about to rain. Anyway I missed this shot because I was in a car, and that really peeved me off (the missing the shot, but being in cars too, eurgh)

Lastly, I'd like to thank the police for waking me up at 4am by yelling on their loudhailer at some random drunk driver, instead of showing up to chase away the inconsiderate (insert lots of rude words here) who were standing outside their minibus taxis making a noise until 3am. Though I guess I wouldn't want to tell a horde of drunk people to shut up either, without a significant amount of support.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Sunday, 14 December 2014

So I was perusing my dashboard, which tends to be chock-full of nothing but complaining (just like this page! :D), and I came across someone I follow complaining about someone else being immature.

So, I ask them in private what they meant (since it's someone I chat to regularly).

And they can't explain exactly what it is about the conversations they have with this person that they find immature. And they can't give examples of what would be mature instead.

Just like in primary school (junior high) 15~20 years ago, people throw "immature" around like an insult and put-down without any thought behind it. Just like kids today who use "gay" to describe anything they don't like.

Even though it's not me they're talking about, it strikes a raw nerve since it reminds me of 12 year old me being told I'm immature by classmates and having no idea why they think I'm immature, what do about it, or how to be more mature.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Thursday, 12 December 2014

I didn't have any dreams last night.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Wednesday, 10 December 2014

I can't remember what I was dreaming about, but I do remember that there was a boss fight like in a videogame, and just as it was about to start, my alarm clock went off. Thanks alarm clock, you ruined everything.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Sunday, 07 December 2014

So I dreamt I was waking up, whether it was from another dream or whether I was really waking up it's hard to tell these days. Suddenly, I thought to myself, "Oh **** when are exams? I haven't even started studying yet!"

Then I remembered I haven't been in school for over 10 years.

Realisation number two then struck home: "Without school, and with all that free time, what have I been wasting all my time on?" "Oh right, work."

And thus the illusion ended.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Thursday, 04 December 2014

Had another post-apocalyptic dream last night. It was pretty cool but details now are scant. Someone really needs to invent a dream recorder.

Of the fragments I remember, we(I?) were riding along a coastal road, lake/ocean on the left, vertical face of rock on the right, trying to escape. (Lots of menacing looking darks shadows of things in the water waiting for us to 'accidentally' fall in.)

Eventually the road crumbled into ruin and we had to stop the vehicle and continue on foot. At this point physics and stuff went all weird and the water was like a country side brook or stream and there were parts where it didn't obey gravity and such. Continuing the journey to escape from whoever was chasing us. Some stuff here happened that I don't remember, and the next thing we were in some small little wooden cabin, perched very, very high above the body of water. I was alone with my two captors, one human and one not so human. Luckily, eventually some sort of aircraft/missile/knife missile (hi, Culture series) put us all out of our misery before they could do anything more.

Edit:
In one of the prior bits, we were trawling around the ruined landscape of places we knew. It was getting dark so we found a house to stay in the for the night. I remember we were trying to board it up for some safety while also trying to find water, which is a lot harder than it sounds when the trappings of civilisation have crumbled and you have no running water, flushing toilets or electricity running. As the night progressed, something happened and we got attacked by something or other. Can't remember. Oh well.

Monday, December 1, 2014

My apologies

Sorry to all the people who got spammed by Invitation emails, I was fiddling with the settings here and it accidentally spammed emails to everyone on my contact list.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Untitled Introductory Paragraph

The sound drifts in from afar, like the wind rustling through a field of grass, already as old and weathered as the ages before it has even arrived. Vision, a blank screen hums into life, neon green characters lighting it up. “Connection resumed.” She opens her eyes and life slowly grinds back into focus, reluctantly racking back and forth seeking clarity. Raindrops streak down against a glass door, drawing patterns, graphs, connections, neurons in slow motion upon the canvas of the dark of night. And then, as if she’s been holding in her breath for her entire life, she exhales.


Tuesday, 25 November 2014

So I had a half day-dream/dream last night about a (medicore cliched and generic) plot for a book. I was idly considering actually fleshing it out but realised why bother, I might be lucky to get 2 people to read it and the only comments I'd probably get is "oh so it's a Ghost in the Shell fanfic?". None-the-less, here goes.


Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

I was going to rant about work but I feel like I do that everyday so it's no use repeating myself ha ha ha. So let's talk about dreams!

Last night I had one of the most amazing dreams ever. The setting was post-apocalyptic, fall of civilisation and blah blah, and I was wandering around through derelict ruins and then I discovered a kitchen still stocked with ingredients to make... cheesecake! ISN'T THIS AMAZING?!

Mankind practically on the brink of extinction, entire nations have fallen, life as we know it has come to a standstill, and I somehow manage to find a kitchen still stocked with fresh ingredients including miraculously still usable eggs. I then proceed to start baking cheesecake. I don't know how the bloody oven worked considering there wouldn't be electricity but okay.

Then suddenly the president or whoever was the currently self appointed dictator shows up with his menagerie of bodyguards and claims my delicious cheesecake :'( On the bright side at least he said it was nice, which can't be said about my actual baking skills IRL (which is another whole story on its own)

Then while fishing through the rest of the rooms I found a shelf with guns (since you know, in any post-apocalyptic setting you gotta hoard all the guns whether its zombies or Fallout) but then one of the bodyguards swiped it, then suddenly someone yelled "Get down!" and we all ducked and then something walked past the window... and we were hiding from... Pokemon?

What the hell? I don't think I've actually ever had any pokemon in my dreams before but this was actually something we had to hid from even though we had guns. My suspension of disbelief snapped in two at this point (even my subconcious mind can't handle so much bull) and the dream ended.

The other dream I had was I was in a car travelling with some people, I had to get out cause there was something in the road (or someone/people blocking it off), then they drove ahead without me and I ran after them. Then the terrain went all weird and really steep, and I was slowly lowering myself down the wet rainy slippery slope. Meanwhile the people in the car went offroad to cut around the traffic and lost control, flipped in the air like some acrobatic diver, and landed in a ditch full of water and sunk. Like erm... okay?

Third dream, third dream I... can't remember. After the cheesecake dream everything is kinda a blur. I just had to log that one for posterity haha.

Edit: So the third dream. I was going home from work, and we drove past a petrol station (gas station) and there were a bunch of people in the parking lot, who looked like they came from a wedding, doing a photoshoot. One of those stupid ones, the kind where everyone jumps in the air and someone takes the photo with them all in the air. At a gas station. Yep, classy. Anyhow...

Moving along, I was taking what appeared to be my regular route home. And every day I would walk past/around/through (I can't remember) this vacated hotel building (I think it was a hotel). And cause all the curtains were open and the doors inside were open, you could see that while most of the furniture and belongings were gone, there were still plenty of stuff left over. Like the delicious cheesecake dream, it was like one of those post-apocalyptic things where there's so much leftover detritus to rifle through.

So eventually one day we/I managed to somehow get (further) inside, when suddenly, !. It appears that the place was not so unpopulated after all. But instead of being attacked by vagrants or drug addicts, the place was actually the secret headquarters of some top secret classy assassin league.

Wandering further into the building, once we/I got further inside you found that the rest of the building was well inhabited, with the current head of said assassin guild residing in a beautifully furnished penthouse suite. What happened after that, I can't remember. It wasn't a suddenly about to die feeling you get in a bad dream/nightmare, but I doubt they were going to be recruiting either. But anyway the dream ended there. Now I know, keep an eye out for seemingly vacated hotels...

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Not a rant today! Isn't that amazing? ☺

So I was thinking, isn't in weird how age seems so relative?

When I was back in high school, in the second-last year, students in the final year seemed so much more mature and older. It was entirely psychological, even if they were the same age, or acted less mature, by virtue of being one year ahead in school, why, they were practically adults already. And meanwhile the kids a year under us, why, they may as well be fresh from junior high.

Then, a decade later (well, 12 years), and you're in a corporate environment, then suddenly even your colleagues 10 years your senior don't seem that much more mature and older. Maybe it's 'cause there's plenty of older people in their late 50s and 60s so it stretches the relativity scale out a bit.

But even so, now I look back, and the schoolkids all the look the same age to me: young. Fresh out of school? Same, may as well still be in school. 20? All look the same to me.

Oh well, one of the things about growing up that isn't completely terrible, I guess

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Wednesday 03 September 2014

Another well rested night, another night full o' dreams.

So, first one off (that I remember), I was outside waiting at the bus stop for the school bus. The morning routine for 5 years of my life. It seems lots of people hated traveling to/from school and having to take public transport and stuff, even more so when it took an hour each way (I lived far from my school) but sigh, those bus rides gave me some of my best school year memories. Luckily this dream wasn't a "late and about to miss the bus one" :q

Second dream, I was walking home from school (and since the bus ride is like an hour...) but instead of it being full of panic and worry and anxiety, it was more like some grand epic saga to journey forth, like ye olde fantasy/RPG quest, full of excitement and adventure and meeting lots of interesting people. Also reminded me that this city needs more forests.

And then we get to number three, which is where things started to get interesting. It seems that dreams about school aren't enough, so now I'm having dreams set in the location of school, but featuring people at work. An awkward juxtaposition but hey, that's dreams for you.

So there I was, at my primary school, standing on the sports field, with people from work, and we're looking at a faulty jet fuel pipeline which for some reason runs underneath the school's sports field. We resumed our inspection tour and then wandered into some wooden building I can't place, and someone popped a trapdoor and surprise, some heavy duty airport sized firefighting water pumps. And of course, later, some playful prankster decides to go and turn the malfunctioning one on.

For some reason, this caused problems, and I have to go run around looking for the relevant people to sort out the mess. This turned out to be less than fruitful because I kept running into huge crowds of school children moving between classes, but luckily it started to rain really hard (totally not related to the firefighting pumps) and we had to evac the class rooms.

Someone from my high school was there (hey let's just mix and match all the memories, my subconscious mind) and they basically froze up during the panic, so I had to help carry them to safety. We then proceeded to get lost, then eventually find where we were supposed to be and into another building/room I didn't recognise (but I still get the feeling I have seen it before). Anyhow, we got to a class room, then for some reason had to jump out through the windows (action movie style) to get back to the field we started at.

Whether they turned the pumps off (or if it stopped raining), we'll never know. My alarm clock provided the cliffhanger timed ending.

Man, with the right cast and score, this could make a better movie than the last 10 crappy films I had the displeasure of watching!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

So, dream journal.
Think of the smallest number that you can think of. Then divide it by infinity. Those are your odds.
Also, surprise surprise, more dreams involve highschool people. And another (seperate) action packed dream involving a kidnapping and a rescue with lots of pew pew, with a terrible plot twist at the end that even Midnight Shadylayman would be proud of.

So I guess I finally got some decent sleep after all, no thanks to this headache or those two wonderfully considerate people conversing at the top of their lungs at 5:15 this morning.

Monday, August 11, 2014

So I started eating properly...

I'm going to write a long post about food and exercise and dieting and stuff. If for some reason you're interested it's under the cut.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Thursday, 31 July 2014

Seems that this is becoming a dream diary blog more than anything else. Oh well.

Last night/this morning I dreamt that we ("we") were all back in school again. Nothing actually happened, we were just hanging out or waiting for class to start or something. But it seems to be beyond all probable doubt (and that's been pretty obvious for years) that my subconscious seems to be longing for ye days of olde.

From BBC:
"the French [term] nostalgie du passé, that bittersweet Proustian condition of longing for the past, with a rueful sense of regret for missed chances and lost opportunities."

So yeah, 11 years on, my dreams are still dominated by memories of high school, when we were all (relatively) carefree and the days were sunnier and the grass was greener. I guess it just boils down to the fact that school was the excuse catalyst that meant we I got to hang out with people whose company we really enjoyed, whereas these days it's totally the opposite with having to work with... yeah. Beats being unemployed I guess?

I sure do wonder what I'll end up dreaming about tonight.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

A comic about social anxiety



I think the best analogy for social anxiety I’ve read is that of a person at the beach, surrounded by lots of people all having fun and swimming, but that person is struggling to stay afloat and they’re drowning, and no one else sees or notices or cares.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Listen up criminal scum



Look, if criminals are going to go around raping and murdering people, I don’t think that asking them nicely on the internet to stop is going to make them suddenly stop doing bad things. But hey that's just me and my clearly overly pessimistic opinion.

Monday, May 26, 2014

On Elliot Rodger and depression

So, while everyone was foaming at the mouth about what an entitled and misogynistic monster Elliot Rodger was, I decided to read through his 140 page manifesto, the bulk of which is an autobiography. For those who can't be bothered to read it here's a quick summary:

· From his childhood up to his middle school life he was like any other shy and lonely kid, keeping to himself and having a small group of friends doing stuff kids do, playing Pokemon and videogames and riding skateboards. He tries hard to fit in and be one of the cool kids but eventually accepts life as an outcast.

· Come high school, and the usual teen angst and bullying we all went through is amplified by his social anxiety problems, and his parents pull him out of high school and into part-time/home based schooling. Unable to obtain a social life, he spends these years playing MMOs and talking to online friends.

· Come late teens and college, you can see the depression seriously taking effect. Even the smallest things set him off and trigger his mental issues, and his schizophrenia swings between being a nervous wreck to having delusions of grandeur of ruling the world and punishing everyone for his persecution complex. And the thing is, instead of just sitting in his room forever and wallowing in self-pity, he actually tries to do something about his depression. He sets goals and ambitions and takes up activities and spends his time productively bettering himself. But everytime he goes out he ends up rushing back home suffering from nervous breakdowns.

· Unable to better his personal life in the real world after years of attempts, he gives in to his schizophrenic illusion of taking revenge. The police were actually called to his house at one point after he made anger-filled YouTube confessions, but according to him they didn't seem to take it seriously or search his house (where they would have found his guns).

This a quote from his entry about visiting a shooting range in 2012:
As I fired my first few rounds, I felt so sick to the stomach. I questioned my whole life, and I looked at the gun in front of me and asked myself “What am I doing here? How could things have led to this?” I couldn’t believe my life was actually turning out this way. There I was, practicing shooting with real guns because I had a plan to carry out a massacre. Why did things have to be this way, I silently questioned myself as I looked at the handgun I was holding in front of me.
And the rest as we know it, is tragedy.

Reading his autobiography from his early years up until the bitter end is sobering and what really struck a nerve with me was how much you could relate to him. If you put aside the wealth, his early life was like any other kid. He wasn't just born as a murdering monster.

He went through high school, and just like all teenagers do, he suffered from teen angst and anxiety and inferiority, struggling to fit in and feeling out of place. Where things went wrong is that it was all amplified by depression and social anxiety, and at this stage you could see things taking a turn for a worse.

After he finishes high school his life languishes. He tries college numerous times and drops out repeatedly after each attempt. Contrasted against the rose tinted college life of everyone else only serves to highlight his social and mental issues. With glaring social anxiety, depression and schizophrenia, his delusions of grandeur lead to a massive ego problem, seemingly developed as a coping mechanism to his inferioty complex and continuous rejections. When you finally finish the autobiography and read his manifesto, it's hard to see it as anything but the ramblings of a mad man.

This wasn't just about a virgin loser who killed women for not giving him sex that he belived he was entitled to. It was about a severely depressed person with psychotic tendencies who only wanted someone to love and be loved by. He wanted to live a life like everyone else, and he pinned the happiness of his entire life on not being single, and mistook that failure to be the root of his depression.

What he did was wrong. But we can't just say he was a horrible monster. We need to try and understand why he did what he did, and understand things from his point of view, because if we don't, these incidents will keep happening.

People with problems like Elliot need to know that they aren't just monsters whose only fate is at the end of their own gun barrel. They need to know that they don't need to murder people to ease their own suffering. They need to know that there is help for people suffering from depression.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

A Pentacon Six lens on a Canon EOS body

So after a long wait thanks to local customs, I finally received my Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 4/50 (a medium format lens in Pentacon Six mount) and Pentacon Six to EOS tilt adaptor.  


Sunday, April 13, 2014

2014/04/13

I wonder if I'll ever stop having dreams that are flashbacks to 15 years ago

Monday, March 24, 2014

Methods of Communication

Looking back it's interesting how your communication habits change as technology changes and your friends migrate across platforms.

Ten years ago when I got text messages on my cellphone I'd drop whatever I was doing to read them. Seeing unread emails in your inbox was always great because odds were it was not just from a person, it was from a person you wanted to talk to.

These days I squander what little attention I have left on IRC, since that's where 99% of the conversations I have are these days. Twitter I'll check occasionally throughout the day but I usually just skim through and don't read anything. Tumblr I'll manically refresh five times in as many minutes hoping to see that I've gotten private messages from people, then give up and ignore it for the rest of the day.

Email? Hah. These days seeing that (1) next to my GMail tabs just means another advertising newsletter that I never got around to unsubscribing from. Google Chat is a barren wasteland and I don't even bother opening either unless I'm at work. And as for MSN, since it got merged with Skype, it just lurks in the corner as silent as a graveyard.

And text messages? The only time I check my phone these days is when I need to check for the one time password the bank sends me when I do internet banking.

How times have changed...

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

3:30 AM

It's 3:30 AM and I'm awake again.

It's quiet out and not as soul stirs, only the sound of cars far in the distance. There's a cool breeze blowing, but it doesn't seem dark. It would be nice to go out and just meander, drifting around in an empty sleeping city.

I went to the beach once before dawn, braving biting rain and fingers blue. I wonder what it would feel like to be there now, weather neither cold no warm, and to feel the sea stirring the sand over my feet.

I have a memory, of silence and dark, no bright sun glaring and burning the eyes. Camping in the forest, I wandered off alone one night for a bit and stopped to look up. The trees all converging to the heavens, a slow rain began to fall, like tears from the moon, and I watched each drop fall. A memory that doesn't break the heart because it was tied to noone then.

My heart beats easier when the sun is down.

My fingers are numb but my hands burn and everything feels fuzzy. I'm not tired but my eyes feel heavy and sticky. There's a subdued commotion outside and I wonder what kind of person would break something as beautiful as this silence. Birds are starting to wake now and I know this won't last.

It's 4:30 AM and I wish for sleep again.